Motherhood

    I was going to write about the stores from which we can't afford to not be shopping.  But, given recent events, I feel I should instead write about the responsibilities of motherhood.  I'm not talking about the changing of diapers, or the cooking, or the cleaning.  Those, while important, are acts that anyone is capable of performing for any child.  I'm talking about motherhood.

  Last night, after my boys were down, I crept downstairs to the kitchen.  I had a sweet tooth, and I wanted to settle into bed with Downton Abbey and relax.  As I retrieved some Mint Chocolate Chip from the freezer, raised voices from the other side of the wall made me freeze.  My neighbor could be heard, clear as day, yelling at her child.  Every other word was the F word, and the Lord's name in vain.  She was screaming at him; calling him lazy and stupid.  Apparently, he's having a hard time reading and so his teachers have sent him home with additional reading homework.  The mother was irate.  She was livid.  I heard dishes being banged about, I heard the child crying (not loudly, mind.  I never heard the child contradict or talk back to her).  Before retreating from the domestic horrors, I heard the mother say, "Now, your'e going to sit here" (scuffle) "and you're going to effing read this @#$# book to me!"

   In a better world, I would have had the courage to knock on the door and demand justice for the poor child.  But, I'm a coward.  I cried, put the ice cream back in the freezer and stewed about it in my room.  I debated as to whether or not I should call the cops.  I asked my sister what I should do.  We discussed calling the elementary school or CPS.  At the end of the day, I am who I am, and to my shame, I did nothing.  But, the incident has not left me.

   When first I moved in, this boy and his siblings were extremely disrespectful to not only me, but to others in the neighborhood.  I witnessed this boy trying to stone a kitten in my yard (which I stopped).  I've seen this boy fighting with others and getting his siblings into trouble.  I've also seen this boy around his mother.  I've seen how he grovels and hovers.  He acts as though he's stepping on egg shells, eager to please and always falling short.  Obscenities fly from his mouth because he hears them first from his mother.  He picks on those around him because he's known nothing else.  He's old enough now that his life will be forever tainted by the impact of his home life.  How tragic is that?  How common is that in today's world?

   I know it's old fashioned and considered politically incorrect to promote families and motherhood instead of woman's independence and career, but I think it's more important now than ever.  How different would this child's life be if his mother spoke with him in love and concern?  If she taught by example?  How different would this child interact with those around him, especially around those weaker than himself?  Some day, this child will grow up and be a man.  He may have children of his own.  He will most certainly have relationships of his own.  How will he treat those with whom he interacts?

   If you're a mother, you are doing the most important work in the world.  If you're a stay-at-home-mom, I wonder if you realize the rarity of your situation.  And, even if you are a stay-at-home mom, how much time is actively spent in rearing your children?  There are, of course, household duties which are included in your "job description" so to speak (i.e., cleaning, cooking, laundry, errands, etc.).  But, how is your time managed?  How many minutes a day do we spend reading to our children?  Playing with them?  Laughing, hugging and kissing them?  How many times a day do they hear the words, "I love you" being uttered sincerely from your lips?  Do they know why you love them?  Do they know how much they're worth, how much they add to your family, how grateful you are God has placed them in your home?

   I read a blog post from a mother in Utah this past summer.  She took her children to the community pool.  It was a busy morning.  Several mothers and children were there, and she let her 3 year old swim.  She became busy in taking pictures of her baby and was putting them on facebook when she looked up and saw her son flailing in the water.  He was drowning.  She had done what we are all guilty of doing at one time or another.  Not being present.  It's easy to say, "Yeah, I'm a great mom.  I was with my kids all day!"  But, what did you do with your kids?  How many minutes did you spent reading, or on your cell phone, or on your tablet/computer in their presence?  How many times a day do we lash out at them when they do something they shouldn't, but we were too busy socializing with our electronics to intervene?

   I am guilty of this, repeatedly.  After I read the post this summer, I vowed to only be on facebook/writing during the children's nap times.  Most days (like today) I'm very responsible and do very well at separating "Jane time" from "mom time".  Other days, I need a break and see my phone/kindle, etc. as a means to escape mentally while I'm still physically there for my children.  It's even harder when your husband is away on either deployment or training, and all responsibilities come down to you; when breaks are limited and everyone is vying for your attention.  Nevertheless, ask yourself at the end of every day, as you put your kids to bed, what kind of mother was I today?  What kind of mother do my children deserve?  How can I improve upon tomorrow from who I was today?

   Children inherently love their parents.  They can learn to not love, but it is unnatural.  I think a parent has to really work at ruining their relationship with their children.  Kids want to love their parents, they want to be friends, they want to be loved and respected.  Children forgive so readily and so easily.  Don't be hard on yourself if today you fell short of your expectations.  Tomorrow is a new day, and while your children are young, they will always embrace you with open arms.  It's vital to be who your kids need today, so they want to keep you in their lives when they're teens.