Sympathy Pains

Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

Empathy (n): The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.

Compassion (n): sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it.  

   Couvade Syndrome is when a man feels much of the same symptoms and behavior of his expectant partner (also known as sympathy pregnancy).  Reasons for this phenomenon vary.  Some say it's because the Man is jealous of the one-sided pregnancy and so they compensate by feeling pregnant alongside their companions (whether those symptoms are real or imagined, is arguable).  Others say it's because the emotional ties and bonds are so strong, that they acutely feel as their spouse does.  

   When you enter a military base, and you drive around the neighborhoods, the air is different.  It is filled with a sense of camaraderie, welcome and community.  The fierce loyalty is palpable.  Once you've lived with such a strong sense of family, it's hard to live anywhere else!

When misfortune befalls one soldier and his family, it befalls the entire community.  Your sorrows are shared.  Your happiness also.  Nowhere is this more true than when our loved ones return from deployment or long bout of training.  We have a tendency to feel sympathy deployments for our brothers and sisters in arms (as well as their families).  

   I recently had a brother-in-law return home to his beautiful wife and 3 little ones.  A good friend also returned home to his supportive and loving wife and 2 babies.  When they were deployed, the highs and lows of both the family and the soldiers were felt acutely in our own home.  We prayed daily for their safety and happiness.  When these men came back safely, it was as though I was being reunited with my own husband.  I felt giddy, excitable and anxious.  I found myself looking in earnest at the clock and tapping my toes.  

   This is a gift and a joy to experience.  This empathy and compassion which we hold for those we live, work, fight, love and (heaven forbid) die beside, is something not everyone gets to experience.  This intimacy and esteem for our band of brothers is a blessing and a joy.  This altruistic desire to lift one another's burdens and love unconditionally, lifts the soul and makes Military life possible.

   In the Civilian world, husbands and wives are rarely away from each other or the family for lengthy periods of time.  When my husband is away from home (as he has been these last 3 and a half months) people generally say the same two things: "You're a strong woman" and "I can't even imagine being away from my husband that long!"  I'm sure you've heard those comments and many more. But, if you say "my husband has been gone for 4 months" to another Military Spouse, she gives you that sincere look of sympathy and usually an "I'm sorry" along with "That sucks".  There's rarely a competition ("Oh, yeah?! Well, my husband has been gone for 8 months!" - although, there are people out there with that attitude...I know you've met the type!) but there's usually an offering of support, love and help.  

   When John first enlisted he was told, "You volunteered for this, but your family was drafted."  Isn't that the truth?!  I love this life, but it is a hard one; fraught with sacrifice, sorrow, and hardships as well as charity, happiness and blessings.  It is not just the effort of one man to serve his country, but the efforts of his family who stand behind him through thick and thin as well.  We do not do it because it is easy or fun.  We do it because we love the man in Uniform who stands between us and the rest of the World.  After a while, all of the Uniforms have a tendency to blend in with each other, so that even if it's not our man on the front line, we live, pray, and feel like it is.  

   My utmost gratitude and appreciation for those who have served and continue to do so.  For those who have had loved ones make the ultimate sacrifice, my heart is heavy for your family.  I am humbled by the people who surround us and make this world a better place.  To those who enter a storm of evil, hatred, and uncertainty so that we may live in this Chosen Land, I salute you.  God bless you (and your families, who sacrifice so much) this Veteran's Day. 

   I know everyone has found themselves watching those videos of Soldiers coming home and surprising their family members.  I know you cry (or feel like crying) and you feel a slice of what the family members feel as they once again embrace their loved ones after so many months of separation, doubt and longing.  There's nothing quite like a reunion after so many long months!