Daddy Dolls

 
As many of you know, we had a Brother-In-Law just return from a deployment to Afghanistan (Oorah).  When he left, the Red Cross donated "Daddy Dolls" (though Operation Hug a Hero) to all of the children who had a parent going down range.  If you don't know what a Daddy Doll is, they're absolutely adorable!  They take a full length picture of your Solider and attach it to a pillow (essentially).  Her children looked so cute, walking around the house and falling asleep, all while clutching their daddy dolls.  At the time, we knew John would be leaving in a matter of weeks and so I decided to visit the website to order daddy dolls for Porter and Wyatt.   

The dolls, while absolutely adorable, are a bit pricey if you're like the average Military family and have more than one child.  a 12" daddy doll runs just under $24 while a 17" runs just under $30.  If you want a voice recorder sewn into the doll, that adds another $9.  Multiply that by 2+ kids and you're suddenly looking at a very expensive, albeit wonderful, coping mechanism.

As usual, I wanted the dolls, but I didn't want to spend $80 to supply my boys with a piece of their dad while he was away.  I got creative and decided to try making my own, and succeeded (for the most part).  You actually can benefit from my mistakes, so if you are interested in making your children their own daddy doll (or grandma/grandpa, auntie, etc. doll) then here's how I chose to do mine:

Materials Needed to Make 1 Daddy Doll:
* One, full-length photograph of your Soldier (in uniform, if desired) transferred to either a shirt, or some other material.
* One Voice Recorder (optional)
* Cotton stuffing or batting
* Needle and Thread
* Cammo Material (I wish I had thought to use an old uniform of John's before I did ours!)
* Iron-on Paper (also known as Transfer Paper - also optional)

Directions:
1)- Take a good picture.  All you have to do is visit the website to see examples of how they look.  In general, it's a good idea to have your Soldier stand with their hands loosely to the side, but really, I say do what comes naturally and what your kids will like :)  Take a picture with a white background if you don't want to cut around your Soldier's body.  John left before I could take a really good picture, so we used an old one.  It doesn't have to be perfect, your kids just need to recognize that it's daddy.

2)- Get a voice recorder device.  We had an old, nasty teddy bear which someone had just given us that we were going to throw away.  It had a recorder in the paw, so I dug it out and recycled it.  The other recorder, I obtained from Amazon.  (I prefer Amazon, but really, any online market place will give you a competitive price).  I ordered one for $6 (with shipping) and it arrived the week before John left, so I was cutting it a bit too close.  Still, I'm so glad we got a recorder for both boys!

3)- Upload your picture to Walmart.com > Photo Center > Clothing & Jewelry.  I chose to have the photograph put on an Adult T Shirt, just because I wanted a bigger doll... but it's only $11 and if you want to have it sent to your local Walmart store, you'll even save on shipping.  It takes a few weeks to have the shirt completed and shipped.

4)- Once you've got all needed materials assembled together, you'll want to do one of 2 things.  You can either cut the image from the background OR you can leave the image alone and simply cut the shape of the doll out of the T Shirt.
   I chose to cut out the background from John's photo, and then I used the rest of the T Shirt (obtained from Walmart.com photo center) to make the white part of the daddy doll, or the front of the doll.  I used the Iron-on (transfer) paper to make the picture stick to the T Shirt, then I simply cut out the shape of a doll and sewed it together.  If you want to skip the iron-on process, you don't need to cut out the background.  I chose to do this because the picture itself can be a bit scratchy.  Granted, I didn't try washing it first, either.  So, do whatever feels best and is easiest in your situation.  When I make these again, I'm going to skip the Iron-On Transfer because Porter loves his a little too much, too often, and the transfer paper has broken down, which means John is barely hanging onto Porter's doll.  So, again, do what you think is best for your kids.  Wyatt's is still as pristine as the day I finished it.

5)-  Cut the Cammo Material to match the shape of the doll.

6)- Pin the front of the doll to the back of the doll.  If you're unfamiliar with sewing pillows, you want the whole project to be inside-out.  This is will keep a nice, smooth edge on your finished product.  Sew the entire doll, except leave a hole that's big enough for the stuffing and the recorder.

7)-  Stuff the doll with the stuffing/batting all the way up until you reach Daddy's shoulders.  Then, insert the voice recorder (complete with personalized message from Daddy!!).  Finish stuffing.

8)- Sew stuffing hole closed.

9)- Present the doll to your beaming child, and share the pictures of your handiwork on our facebook page!

10)- Remind yourself that you're an awesome mother and a wonderful wife for keeping your children so connected with their daddy.

At the end of the day, my dolls aren't as pretty as the ones you can buy from the official Daddy Doll website.  The edges are a bit wobbly, the stuffing looks more like the cellulite in my legs, and we didn't get the best picture in the world.  BUT, my boys don't love their dolls any less because of that.  They sleep with them, they kiss them, they talk to them, and they carry them around all over, everywhere.  That's the whole point of the dolls anyway, right?  Don't stress about making them perfect.  All your kids will feel when they hold them, is that their mommy and daddy love them very much...

These are also a great gift idea (if you're needing an idea for a family member who is far away).  Really, these dolls are just great coping mechanisms for any loved one that is away from your child!!!

One Doing The Work of Two

I recently asked our fb readers if there was any particular topic they'd like explored or discussed on the blog.  I received a cute reply:

 "Single" parenting while they are gone...what do you do when all your kids can't seem to keep their hands off their siblings??? lol, this has been a week to remember!" 

In a phone conversation I had with John recently, I was expressing a similar frustration, and he said it so succinctly.  "You're one person doing a two person job."

Some days I can't get enough of my kids.  I just want to spend the whole day cuddling, kissing and playing.  Other days, I find myself watching the clock like a crazy person and fighting the urge to have a meltdown and throw a temper tantrum of my own.  On normal days, your Soldier can provide regular relief.  Even if that relief comes in the form of a 5 minute bereave in which you sit in your bedroom in peace.  Some nights, John didn't get home in time to see the kids before bedtime, but even then, he provided me with relief.  Adult conversation is vital to a mother's sanity; especially if that mother is a stay-at-home mom.  It's not just the conversation (although that's wonderful) it's the interaction, the intimacy, the entire experience of enjoying one another's company.  It's hard being away from your best friend for extended amounts of time, frequently.  

Everyone has emotional needs which need to be met.  Parents have to worry about the needs of their spouse, the needs of their children, and of course, their own.  When your husband is home, you can share the responsibility of your child's emotional needs.  Between the two of you, you can make sure everyone's emotional needs are being met in a proper and timely manner.  But when he's away for either training or deployment, the buck stops with mom.  The day in, day out, never ceasing, crushing, sometimes overwhelming, responsibilities of parenthood rest squarely on mom's shoulders.  Is it any wonder that some days, you feel like you're drowning in motherhood?

Firstly, if you're excessively worrying about the emotional needs of your solider, stop immediately!  There's really only so much you can do for him, after all.  Let's be clear.  I'm not suggesting you abandon him.  By all means, send him packages, talk to him as often as possible, confide and trust one another with your problems, talk about your days, etc.  But, your husband has an entire network of fellow Soldiers, a band of brothers, to share burdens, laughs, trials and life with while he's absent.  There needs to be a healthy balance, and your Solider shouldn't, in turn, abandon you emotionally, but that is for another day.

Secondly, revert back to advice you were given when your little ones were newborns.  Didn't everyone tell you that you couldn't take care of anything if you weren't first taking care of you?  This doesn't just apply to new moms, you know.  This applies to everyone.  We all know it.  That's why the Self Help section at Barnes & Noble is so large.  Diversity is a beautiful thing.  We all unwind differently.  What helps you to find your inner peace when the house and the kids are falling apart around you?  As for me, I have found the crib to be a mother's best friend.  If your kids are still young enough for a crib, don't feel guilty if you need to give yourself a timeout.  The crib is a great option because they can't get hurt, and your house won't get hurt either as you retreat to the tub or bedroom for a few minutes of stolen serenity.  If your kids are too old for a crib, try putting a movie on, or sending them outside to play while you watch them from the peace of your empty house, sipping on a hot chocolate or lemonade.  If none of these are viable options, or they're not working, then use my all-time favorite.  Early bed time.  I've found my kids are the most cranky when they're overtired.  How do I resolve this?  Early bed time.  Contrary to belief, sending them to bed early will not necessarily mean they wake up early the next day.  They're overtired for a reason.  They need to recover sleep, and I've never had this plan backfire on me yet.

Thirdly (and lastly) take care of your children's needs to the best of your ability.  Newsflash, some days your abilities are better than others.  Don't compare yourself to other moms, just concentrate on being the best you.  Porter acts out when he's overtired, yes, but also when he hasn't had enough attention.  Granted, he's 2, so his idea of attention and mine don't always coincide, but you can generally gauge how much is too much and what's not enough.  Even if you're cleaning your house on a daily basis (See To DITY or Not to DITY) there will be plenty of days where dishes cover the countertops, none of the beds are made, and toys litter the floor.  As tempting as it can be to leave the kids to their own devices so you can catch up on household duties, ignore the urge every now and again.  All of the chores will still be there (unfortunately) but your kids will only be little for so long.  Before too long, they'll be asking you for advice on how to deal with kids of their own.  Take the time to read to them, to dance and to go on walks.  It'll help with their cabin fever.  Finally, Talk about Daddy a lot.  Sometimes, I'll just google images of Soldiers and look at them with Porter.  It doesn't matter that he thinks everyone is Daddy. It's simply a daily reminder that he has a dad and that he loves him.

So that brings us to the final question.  What do you do when your kids won't get along?  I know how it feels to be the sole disciplinarian.  In a word?  It sucks.  By the end of the day, I'm so tired of hearing myself say "no" repeatedly.  I'm sick of chastising, correcting and playing judge.  I read in a parenting book, that you should actually stay out of your children's fights as much as possible.  You should teach them correct behaviors, but let them put them in practice.  Newsflash, they're not going to get it right 9 times out of 10, but you should still let them swim on their own.  Let them resolve situations alone.  Let them deal with the consequences of their resolutions.  Obviously, intervention is necessary eventually, but don't rush to resolve every fight every time.

So, the kids have been at it for a while, and there's now an escalation of violence.  What do you do?  This is my most favorite option. They call it "The Get Along Shirt"

(as a side note, I love how the boy is thrilled to be wearing it...)

The idea of the shirt is what makes it so genius.  In life, we're forced to make nice and get along.  This is about teaching them to suck it up, and be nice, even when it's not what they feel.  It's a tangible consequence you can enact when fighting erupts.  Growing up, my mom used to make us sing "Love At Home" from the LDS Hymnbook.  You can also take away privileges.  Be clear as to what is acceptable behavior and what is not.  You could even let the kids take part in choosing the consequences for misbehavior.  They have a tendency to choose harsher punishments than parents do, and when the time comes for them to be punished, they can't complain because they chose their own form of justice!

And then, of course, there's Time Out. This method has been used in practice for several hundred years.  In Medieval times, Society even instituted the Time Out as a reliable method of resolution.  

What I want do when my kids are acting out....

What I do until John builds me some Stocks....

Remember, if everything fails, early bed time it is!

Project Rudolph

   As we begin this Holiday Season, we should never forget that there are those who cannot come home to be with their loved ones.  It doesn't require much effort to get involved and send some Holiday Cheer to those we love on the front lines.  Even if you don't know anyone personally, they fight for you nonetheless.
   My cousin's wife and her students, do great work with Project Rudolph.  It's a wonderful program designed to show love and support for our Troops throughout the Holidays by providing deployed units with Holiday gift bags, in an attempt to provide them with some cheer, comfort, joy and love to sustain them as they leave their families and loved ones behind.
   Project Rudolph needs help not only in support and letter writing, but also in knowing who needs some holiday cheer.  I know the Holidays are a busy time for everyone, but please take a few minutes out of your day to look at this website explaining all about Project Rudolph and Operation Angel.  So many people say they support the Troops.  Now's your chance to actually do something about it this Holiday Season!

Life of Pi

   John says I have a nose for picking out books which are eventually made into movies.  And it's absolutely true.  Don't ask me how...because I honestly couldn't tell you.
  My apologies on this long overdue post.  Porter effectively broke my laptop and life has been busy as we prepare for the Holidays.  If you find you have a few minutes to spare, or perhaps to unwind at the end of the night, I would recommend: "Life of Pi" by Yann Martel.  This is a fantasy adventure novel, published in 2001.  It's not your typical fantasy however (there are no witches or magic).  I actually thought it was based upon real events when I first read it in 2008.
  This is a story of 16 year old Piscine Patil in which he's shipwrecked and stranded on a lifeboat with a bengal tiger for 227 days.  You may wonder how on earth an author could find enough material to write 400 pages worth of brilliant story line, but he does it and does it amazingly well.
  The book was recently made into a movie, and was released today, November 21, 2012.  I have yet to see the movie, but by all accounts, it looks like a fair presentation of what I fell in love with 4 years ago.  As always, this is a book about the human condition, and it is told beautifully and powerfully.  It resonates with the reader by invoking timeless questions and life lessons.  There's a truth to be found in its pages, and it is one which the reader won't help but admire.
  Do yourself a favor and read "Life of Pi".  It is one of my favorites!

To DITY Or Not to DITY. That is the real question

We are all quite familiar with the phrase: "There are only two certainties in life.  Death and Taxes." If you're a Military family, you  can quite safely add "moving" to the list.  It's inevitable.  Do you cringe when your PCS orders arrive?  Do you dread the thought of packing and moving again?  Do you look around your home and feel helpless?  All of these feelings are absolutely normal and reasonable.  Especially since there's a good chance you'll be doing the work without the help of your man.  There's also the time old question: "To DITY or not to DITY?"  There are certainly advantages to both.  On the one hand, who doesn't like saving money? On the other, it's so wonderful to see someone else pack, ship and load/unload your belongings.  So what do you choose?!  Trust me, there is no wrong answer!  If you choose to have the Military move you, you have little work to do, outside cleaning your home.  My personal favorite option is a partial-DITY move.  I like to pack up and clean but let someone else do the heavy lifting and driving.  I like it because you still get paid for the work you saved the moving company (here is a great website to aid you in making the decision that is best for your family).

This post was inevitable, but I'm writing it now at the request of someone who likes our facebook page.  She asked: "Dear Jane.  I would love to see some information about moving...especially things we can do in between moves to make the next one easier."

What a fantastic question, Jennifer!  And I have some solid ideas and suggestions for you :)

Above all else, first and foremost, you should take the time to think about the specific problems you encountered from your last move.  Why were they problematic?  What could have been done differently and what was out of your control (i.e., gas prices, timeline, etc.)?  Then, go about fixing them!

John and I have been married for 5 years this December.  In that time, we've moved a grand total of 7 times (and only one of those moves was across town...).   My advice is based upon the last 5 years of moving experience:

START AS SOON AS YOU CAN
If you plan to do a DITY move, or a partial DITY, begin as soon as you can (like 2-3 months prior to the big day).  Slowly buy boxes.  There are a few ways to do this:
       * I recommend buying from Home Depot or Lowes because you can use your 10% Military Discount).    
       * You can also store the boxes used from a previous move (we've done this a couple of times, and it
          has been very successful).
      * Ask for boxes from your local businesses or search Craigslist for people who need to get rid of theirs.
         If you're on/near a Military base, there's always someone moving in that is anxious to part with their
         boxes.  Personally, I would rather just buy and keep my own boxes, because there are a lot of gross
         people out there with gross possessions and cockroaches and other pests... but if you want to (or need
         to) save money, then this is certainly the most economically sound option.
Once you begin to stockpile boxes, use them!  There are so many non-essential items that we have in our homes.  Simply go through a little each day or a few weeks at a time, and begin to box up those items you don't foresee needing in the next few months (i.e. books, pictures, decorations, camping/yard gear, etc.).  You'd be amazed at how much work this saves down the road.  It also helps to not get burnt out on packing in those last few weeks and days.  If space is an issue, have the boxes hug the walls in your home, or store them in your garage or basement.

CONSIDER SELLING POSSESSIONS
Again, just as you're moving off base, someone else is moving in.  Each house is different, so sometimes your furniture or decorations don't quite fit in the new place.  Consider selling them on Craigslist and local Facebook yard sale pages.  There are so many advantages to selling as much as you can before a move!
      * You'll have extra, unexpected cash in hand for your big day.  Moves have a lot of expensive surprises.
         It's nice and comforting to have a little padding in the account before, during and after a move.
      * Every little thing that someone carries out the front door, is one less thing you have to put on a moving
         truck.  This saves both time and money.
      * My favorite reason of all, you get to go shopping to decorate and furnish your new house!  Look on
         the positive side of moving every 2 to 5 years.  You can completely change your style every time you
         move!  You could even take the money made from your previous items and put them in a fund to
         replace them.
There's an art to selling your items on Craigslist.  I will be writing another post in the near-future about how to do this successfully and how to get top dollar for your things!

BUY AND STORE CONSCIENTIOUSLY: TUBS, TUBS, TUBS!
There will always be those sentimental items that people will ask "Why do you keep moving this?"  As a girl, we discovered trunks full of photographs, letters, clothes and uniforms, war medals, etc. from my Grandparents' youth.  It was thrilling to see yearbooks from their junior high days and see clothes my grandma wore when she was my age.  I vowed then that I would work to keep my very own "generation trunk" and I have.  It is full of letters, photographs, memories, report cards, essays, mementos, etc.  These are those priceless items that I insist on moving every time.  It's OK to have "useless" items with which you don't want to part.  However, storing them smartly is vital to a stress-free move!  I prefer to keep my memories in chests and trunks.  They're pretty and can hold a LOT of memories.  They can also serve double duty.  These can be at the foot of your beds, nestled under windows, or at the top of your stairs landing, used as a coffee or side table, this list goes on. Be creative!  Ask yourself what you don't want to part with, and then ask how you can use the storing of those items to your advantage.
  In the same vein: Holiday Decorations.  Who doesn't love them?!  Those are not generally the things we care to part with.  I recommend storing them in color coordinated tubs with pictures and labels on all 4 sides so they're easily spotted in a pile of storage and gear.  Invest in good, solid totes/tubs and take care to buy straight-edged ones, as they are stackable and moving friendly.
  Color coded and labeled tubs are not only useful for storing decorations, but also gear, workshop tools, Military essentials, camping supplies, etc.  They move well, won't break down over time like cardboard boxes, and the color coding is so incredibly helpful when you're moving and storing.  For example, John puts all of his Army things in Gray tubs.  Christmas Decorations are in bright red and dark green tubs, Halloween/Fall decorations in Orange tubs, Spring in a light green, Workshop in dark blue, etc.  It's all about saving time when you're looking for items and also when you're deciding what goes where when you're unloading a truck.
  Also, even if your tubs are stacked inside one another and stored until the next move, it's so wonderful to have designated tubs for your items so that you easily know where to find things and how/where to pack them when it comes time to move again.  When you purchase furniture for your home, ensure what you're bringing into the home is functional.  Our sofa table doubles as as a storage center for the toys (purchased fro Costco for only $129).  At our last move, the movers simply shrink wrapped the entire piece of furniture, so we didn't even have to pack or unload the toys!  Our nightstands are small dressers which hide clutter and can hold possessions as we move.  Always seek furniture which can serve you in both your home and your move.

CLEAN DAILY
I get it.  Cleaning is not exactly the most glamorous or enjoyable part of maintaining a nurturing and loving environment.  I'm sure you've all seen this:
Does this sound familiar?  You can get a lot of cleaning done in those 10 minutes, can't you?  It actually doesn't require much effort or time to keep your house looking clean and great all the time!  My secret, is a daily work chart.  I have a piece of paper on the fridge which correlates certain chores with the day of the week.  The whole purpose of this daily cleaning, is so that when the time comes to leave a home, we're not spending an exorbitant amount of time cleaning before we leave.
   Now, I don't work outside the home, so my list of chores may allow for more than others.  That's not the point.  The point is to do what you can!  Below is an example of what my week looks like:
MONDAY: Laundry (whites) Vacuum whole house, clean windows.  I also try to squeeze in a Legs workout and go swimming.
TUESDAY: Laundry (darks) Sweep/Mop whole house, yard work. Exercise: Arms & Spinning Class
WEDNESDAY: Laundry (colors) Bathrooms, Dusting. Exercise: Butt & Running
THURSDAY: Laundry (whites) Bedrooms, vacuum whole house. Exercise: Abs & Spinning Class
FRIDAY:  Laundry (darks) Kitchen, sweep/mop whole house. Exercise: Legs and Swimming
SATURDAY: Laundry (colors) wipe down walls, wipe baseboards and clean lights, odds and ends.  Exercise: Yoga and a family run or walk

By doing laundry, sorting mail and washing dishes on a daily basis, it doesn't get piled up.  A day-long chore becomes a 10 minute one done every day.  If you have children that are old enough to help with the chores, use them!  My oldest is 2, and he "helps" me with wiping walls, dusting, cleaning windows, and he helps me to unload the dish washer as well as setting the table at mealtimes.  I believe it's important that your kids know that taking care of a home requires their efforts too.  It will also help them to feel included in the family, as an important and vital piece of the family unit.  It will also cut down on your cleaning to-do checklist as you prepare to move, because you've been cleaning the house really well all along!

FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF WITH THE REQUIREMENTS YOUR LANDLORD HAS PRIOR TO THE LEASE TERMINATION
There's nothing worse than being hit with unexpected surprises from your landlord as you prepare to leave. Be sure you understand your lease, and that they understand you're in the Military.  Generally, even in Military housing, it's required to provide a written 30 day notice prior to the move-out date.  However, orders are orders.  If push comes to shove, throw down the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act.  Ultimately, it says that no one can deny you services or discriminate against you due to your Military service.  I had to use this at my last place of residence as well as my current one.  It's a handy piece of information to know really well.  Don't be afraid to use it!

SET MONEY ASIDE
There will always be unexpected things that happen during a move which can be quite costly.  Perhaps your car breaks down as you're traveling to your new duty station.  Perhaps you have to pay for a hotel along the way.  Restocking a fridge and pantry is a costly business too, as well as inevitable.  There are an infinite amount of variables which can devastate the pocket book.  Set money aside long before your move so you're not stuck with a financial situation that will ruin you.

KNOW WHAT YOU'LL NEED UPON ARRIVAL, THEN KEEP IT WITH YOU!
John and I have a little portable file cabinet with all of our necessary and vital documents.  This also includes our dog's health certificate and paperwork.  This is one of the very last things loaded into the car, and it is with us at all times.  We also keep (or have money set aside to buy) with us some cleaning supplies, toilet paper,  paper towels/Clorox wipes, soap, disposable plates/bowls and silverware, towels, and basic toiletries.  If your items are on a truck, and you move in before they arrive, you want to be able to prepare for the arrival, and function at a basic level until you're settled.

TRAVEL SMART
Don't be a hero!  Take your time and stick to the Military's allotted 8 hour/day rule.  Especially if you have children!  I would recommend tentatively planning at which hotels to stay along the route.  I would recommend purchasing an RCA, Double screen DVD player for your car.  You can purchase them for under $100 and they can be a life saver with young kids when you're all stuck in a car for several hours over several days.  Also, consider purchasing a GPS (we bought a basic Tomtom for under $100).  Not only will this help you to not get lost, but will be vital to learning where things are when you arrive in a new town and on a new base.

Veteran's Day Discounts 2012

Veteran's Day will be celebrated on Monday, November 12th this year (since the 11th is on a Sunday).  Several restaurants have annual DISCOUNTS available to both veterans and Active Duty Military.  Simply show your ID card to receive the benefits!  Click here to see which establishments will be serving the Military Community this year!

Did you know?
Lowes and Home Depot offer a 10% Military Discount no matter the day?  Simply show your ID Card at Checkout!

Old Navy also has a 10% Military Discount (show your ID Card at Checkout).  However, each store  varies on when the Discount will be honored (some stores honor it 365 days a year, others will only honor the discount on Mondays, or the first four days of the month, etc.).  Be sure to ask your local Old Navy what days they'll honor the Military Discount!

Not sure what Stores/Restaurants offer a Military Discount? Then ASK!  
If you're not already in the habit of doing so, be sure to ask if the establishments you frequent offer any kind of Military Discount.  Always bear in mind that they are in no way obligated to do so!  When we begin to see Discounts as a right instead of a service, we become part of the problem.  I've been mortified to hear my husband jokingly call the poor Sales Girl at Dickie's a hippy for not having a Military Discount.  I'm glad to say, he no longer does this!  Always be gracious and thank them for the Discount.

Know of a Store/Restaurant that offers a Discount?
Please leave a Comment with the details!

Sympathy Pains

Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

Empathy (n): The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.

Compassion (n): sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it.  

   Couvade Syndrome is when a man feels much of the same symptoms and behavior of his expectant partner (also known as sympathy pregnancy).  Reasons for this phenomenon vary.  Some say it's because the Man is jealous of the one-sided pregnancy and so they compensate by feeling pregnant alongside their companions (whether those symptoms are real or imagined, is arguable).  Others say it's because the emotional ties and bonds are so strong, that they acutely feel as their spouse does.  

   When you enter a military base, and you drive around the neighborhoods, the air is different.  It is filled with a sense of camaraderie, welcome and community.  The fierce loyalty is palpable.  Once you've lived with such a strong sense of family, it's hard to live anywhere else!

When misfortune befalls one soldier and his family, it befalls the entire community.  Your sorrows are shared.  Your happiness also.  Nowhere is this more true than when our loved ones return from deployment or long bout of training.  We have a tendency to feel sympathy deployments for our brothers and sisters in arms (as well as their families).  

   I recently had a brother-in-law return home to his beautiful wife and 3 little ones.  A good friend also returned home to his supportive and loving wife and 2 babies.  When they were deployed, the highs and lows of both the family and the soldiers were felt acutely in our own home.  We prayed daily for their safety and happiness.  When these men came back safely, it was as though I was being reunited with my own husband.  I felt giddy, excitable and anxious.  I found myself looking in earnest at the clock and tapping my toes.  

   This is a gift and a joy to experience.  This empathy and compassion which we hold for those we live, work, fight, love and (heaven forbid) die beside, is something not everyone gets to experience.  This intimacy and esteem for our band of brothers is a blessing and a joy.  This altruistic desire to lift one another's burdens and love unconditionally, lifts the soul and makes Military life possible.

   In the Civilian world, husbands and wives are rarely away from each other or the family for lengthy periods of time.  When my husband is away from home (as he has been these last 3 and a half months) people generally say the same two things: "You're a strong woman" and "I can't even imagine being away from my husband that long!"  I'm sure you've heard those comments and many more. But, if you say "my husband has been gone for 4 months" to another Military Spouse, she gives you that sincere look of sympathy and usually an "I'm sorry" along with "That sucks".  There's rarely a competition ("Oh, yeah?! Well, my husband has been gone for 8 months!" - although, there are people out there with that attitude...I know you've met the type!) but there's usually an offering of support, love and help.  

   When John first enlisted he was told, "You volunteered for this, but your family was drafted."  Isn't that the truth?!  I love this life, but it is a hard one; fraught with sacrifice, sorrow, and hardships as well as charity, happiness and blessings.  It is not just the effort of one man to serve his country, but the efforts of his family who stand behind him through thick and thin as well.  We do not do it because it is easy or fun.  We do it because we love the man in Uniform who stands between us and the rest of the World.  After a while, all of the Uniforms have a tendency to blend in with each other, so that even if it's not our man on the front line, we live, pray, and feel like it is.  

   My utmost gratitude and appreciation for those who have served and continue to do so.  For those who have had loved ones make the ultimate sacrifice, my heart is heavy for your family.  I am humbled by the people who surround us and make this world a better place.  To those who enter a storm of evil, hatred, and uncertainty so that we may live in this Chosen Land, I salute you.  God bless you (and your families, who sacrifice so much) this Veteran's Day. 

   I know everyone has found themselves watching those videos of Soldiers coming home and surprising their family members.  I know you cry (or feel like crying) and you feel a slice of what the family members feel as they once again embrace their loved ones after so many months of separation, doubt and longing.  There's nothing quite like a reunion after so many long months!

2 Cents

Firstly, my hands are shaking and my heart is pounding, and I have that familiar sick sensation which usually accompanies all discourse on controversial topics which we all hold personally: religion and politics.  Today, I'm presenting my opinions on the latter.  As usual, any negative or hurtful comments will be promptly removed.
   I was recently asked which one (party) I support and why.  The short answer (and the non-politician answer) is that I am a card carrying Republican.  However, we usually dismiss one's political affiliations as soon as they're stated.  This is especially true if one holds to their stereotype (I'm a Republican from Idaho/Utah.  When most people hear this, they roll their eyes and discount my opinions because they assume I must have reached my conclusions without serious thought, and therefore, am a lemming.  I assure you this is simply not the case).
   As a child, I recall hearing about politics ONCE.  In my whole life, I never heard passionate discourse or debate on political issues.  The one time I did, it was a joke told by mom to my dad in a knock-knock capacity.  Not exactly enough for a child to lean on. As I moved from a small town to a large city with an enormous high school, I abandoned my "childish" (my word choice back in the day) pursuits such as sports and friends and devoted my energy and time to academics.  My hard work was rewarded with good grades and a fairly smarter reputation.  I was drunk on being seen as educated and informed and it was in High School, where I developed my first love of politics and foreign affairs.  One day, as we were waiting for class to begin, I was listening to a discussion being made by my classmates regarding political parties.  They noticed me and asked to which party it was I belonged. I remember as if it were yesterday.  The panic rose in me and all I could remember about parties was: Democrats=big government and Republican=small government.  With a dry mouth and racing heart, I answered: "I'm....a....(heavy pause).......liberal... Republican...?"  I quickly looked from one face to another to see if I'd answered correctly.  The boys scoffed and said, "A liberal Republican? That's almost as bad as a moderate Democrat" and they dismissed me with turned backs.  I was crushed and  I felt so humiliated because I'd provided the "wrong answer".  My response?  When I turned 18, I registered as a Democrat!  I would've died than be viewed as uneducated, uninformed: a lemming.  I noticed a trend that the majority of my smart classmates were hailed for thinking "outside the box" (the box being a heavily Republican State).  It was automatically assumed that if you went against the average, you were necessarily more enlightened.  I was so proud of myself.  I wanted to be enlightened.  I wanted to be smart, educated, and popular.  Later in the year, I recall asking my mother, for the first time in my life, what her political beliefs were.  When she responded, "I'm a Republican" I remember feeling extreme pity for my mom.  Didn't she know how unpopular it was to be associated with that party?!
   High School ended.  I went on to College and pursued a degree in History and Political Science at (then) Utah Valley State College (UVSC).  Even though it was a Utah school, it was still a college education, and therefore the teaching staff was dominated by proud Democrats and even prouder Liberals.  It was in this atmosphere and in-depth analysis of the Constitution, the role of government, and History, that I quickly had a real education.  It was with a rude awakening that I realized the party I had blindly followed, did not jive with my personal beliefs in the slightest.
   My best professors, the ones I learned the most from, and the ones that made me the most self-aware, were the professors who, on principle, would not disclose their own political beliefs.  They played devil's advocate time and again when the class ever leaned towards one party or another during discussion or debate.  This was my real education!  To this day, I still do not know what their own political beliefs are.  They were that good.  At this point, you're probably wondering why then, I didn't choose to be "Independent".  That is because, another Professor, whom I greatly admire, and has since passed away, gave (sadly) realistic advice.  It was in Economics and the discussion had once again been brought to politics.  He said, "The Party system in America is broken.  The Party system in America needs to be abandoned.  BUT.  The reality of America, is that nothing would get done in modern politics, without Political parties.  My advice?  Don't throw away your voice by being 'independent'.  Affix yourself to a party, and vote with your head and your heart."
   As I left my education to serve a mission for my church, I knew that I was a Conservative.  I now tell people: "I'm a Conservative first, and a Republican second".  What I mean by that, is the Republican party has (and I'm sure will only continue to do so) abandon those Conservative beliefs which I hold as closely and personally as I do my religion.  The party may retreat from Conservative principles.  I will not.
   I do vote with my head and my heart.  My voting record will show that I have not voted strictly for Republican candidates.  I have voted Democrats and Libertarians into office, as well as candidates from the Constitutional Party.  This is because people are human, parties are corrupt, and issues are important.  Who people are, matters.  Greatly.  I recently received my absentee ballot for Ohio, and it took me more than an hour to complete. I wanted to inform and educate myself as to issues, people and beliefs as much as I could with the resources I had.  I believe it is the civic duty and honor, for every American of voting age, to not only vote, but to go the polls informed and enlightened.  One should never find themselves in the booth come  election day, saying "Eeney, meeney, miney moe" about the names in front of them.  One should never simply vote for everyone with a (D) or (R) next to their names.
   I know it will be unpopular with many and is extremely politically incorrect, but I include God in my decisions as to who will represent me.  I believe that God is the same yesterday, today and forever.  Therefore, His ways are consistent and unwavering from one day to the next.  If something is right today, it'll be right tomorrow.  Truth is truth, and does not (nor cannot) change.  I also believe He knows the real beliefs behind the names on the paper in front of me.  I do my research on issues and candidates, make my decision, and then take it to the Lord in prayer.  One of the greatest tragedies about a party system, is that too many times, we are forced to choose (literally) between two wrongs.  Countless times, have I made a decision and felt wrong about it.  But, when I go to pray about the other candidate, I feel equally as wrong.  This breaks my heart every time!  I felt this about both candidates in the last Presidential election...
   By that same logic, I (obviously) felt the same way about President Obama in this election.  However, when I prayed about Governor Romney, I felt at peace.  Needless to say, Mitt Romney received my vote.  Some critics tell me, that it is only because we share the same religion.  That is simply not the case.  There are other Politicians that share my Religion but not my political beliefs.  That is the difference.  I also believe that it is better to have a man of God and of faith making decisions for us, as opposed to men of men.
   One of the most enlightening and articulate speeches about the proper role and function of Government came from Dwight D. Eisenhower's Secretary of Agriculture: Ezra Taft Benson.  He gave a speech entitled The Proper Role of Government,  I agree with absolutely everything stated in this speech.  It is exactly how I view the role of Government in society.  I believe that the most effective government should happen on an escalating scale (such as look first to your community.  If your community cannot help, look to your County. If your County cannot help, look to your State.  If your State cannot help, look to the Federal Government). The Federal Government has become the first resort, rather than the last.  Why is this a problem, you may be asking?  Because we do not use a machete for surgery, but rather a scalpel.  A machete is a very useful tool and has its proper place and purpose in life, however, it is inherently incapable of performing finely detailed work.  America is simply too large and filled with too many to meet the needs and demands of all her citizens.  However, we are a nation made of communities, counties and States.  This is where problem solving, charity, relief and work should begin, not in some remote place where the demands far outweigh the help.  If you need a cup of sugar, do you go to your neighbor, or do you drive across town and ask a stranger?  While at the Grocery Store, who automatically goes to the checkout with the longest line?  NOBODY!!  It is only natural to enter the shortest line for assistance.  Why then do people think that the Federal Government should handle so much for so many, when they are not designed, nor were ever designed, to do so?  We should never forget, that it was the States who formed the Federal Government, not the Federal Government who formed the States.
   I'd like to leave you with a quote from one of History's greatest (and in my opinion, most under appreciated) men.  John Adams said, “There is nothing which I dread so much as a division of the republic into two great parties, each arranged under its leader, and concerting measures in opposition to each other. This, in my humble apprehension, is to be dreaded as the greatest political evil under our Constitution.”  It breaks my heart to see so much hate, animosity and anger being directed to our fellow brothers and sisters regarding their own personal political beliefs.  It seems as though there are some who purposely hang around those with a differing opinion simply to belittle one another in their comments.  I see this rampant on both sides of the political aisle.  I believe that contention is of the Devil.  He loves to stir up the hearts of man towards anger, regardless of whether or not our initial cause was right or wrong.  I would implore everyone, to examine their hearts before leaving a comment directed at/to someone else.  If its hateful, and hurtful, simply walk away.  If needed, divorce yourself from those who repeatedly work to stir up your heart towards anger.  I have had to do this in my personal life, and although hard, I feel more peace and happiness in my home which spreads to my children, my husband, and to those I encounter.  If we seek to do good, be good, and spread happiness and hope, we will see the world around us becoming a better place. It starts with you.

The Book Thief

  I would say this weather calls for a good read at the end of the night, or during naptime, or any other time of the day in which you enjoy a few stolen moments.  But, then again, I am always looking for an excuse to read all day.  I’m forever looking for the next good book. I am that annoying person who says, “You should read…”

   And so, while this cooler weather is conducive to reading on the sofa with a throw over your legs, I’ll leave the excuse of choice up to you.  I will, however, recommend a book bi-monthly for those who, like me, tear through books as quickly as you can choose a new one to devour.

   It was a surprisingly difficult task; choosing the first book to introduce to this unofficial book club.  Do I choose one of my annual reads?  Do I choose something I’ve read recently or the book I’m currently reading?  Do I choose something in touch with the season or the Political climate?  Given that this blog is primarily written for the Military family, do I choose something patriotic?  Each time I started writing about one book, another would crowd my thoughts and I would find myself deleting 5 minutes worth of lengthy recommendation.  Needless to say, I’ve grown quite annoyed with myself…Which, is actually a fairly regular occurrence, so bear with me…After all that, I will begin, what is hopefully a long and endearing book list, with one that is close to my heart and encompasses everything previously mentioned. 

   In 2006, Australian author, Markus Zusak published his amazing novel The Book Thief.  A few years later my mother (whom I love greatly) gave me this book for my birthday.  It is a story that is both cleverly unique and inspiring.  I have so many favorite novels, and they all have one thing in common: The Human Condition (you can thank my AP English teacher for making me so keen on that theme). 

   It is the wonderfully rich story of nine-year-old Liesel Meminger, as told by Death (the narrator), who is both benign and sympathetic, and describes moments through color.  Death first meets Liesel in the late 1930s at her brother’s funeral.  He passed away on a train while their mother was taking them to Molching, Germany to be raised by foster parents.  It is during this funeral, that Liesel steals her first book: The Grave Digger’s Handbook. Although she is unable to read or write, she keeps the book as a memento of her brother.  As World War II progresses, she steals books from the Mayor’s library (hence the title) as a coping mechanism as the world falls apart around her.

   Filled with delightful nuance and sentiment, this book makes me laugh on one page and sob on the next.  It is real; written with raw emotion and intent.  Rarely will you read a book which champions imagery as well as Zusak manages to do in The Book Thief.  The characters are well developed and it is easy to become lost in their lives as you quickly consume page after page. 

   On a more informative note (and not nearly as fun) The Book Thief has 574 pages and the genre is Historical-Fiction.  My prediction is that you will quickly tear through this book and thoroughly enjoy yourself.  It is not a happy book, but it is one which will make you feel more in touch with humanity, as books about the human condition often do.

Fall is in the Air (And on your Walls!)

Do you feel it yet? The bite in the wind and the crisp chill that makes you turn up your coat collar? Can you smell the leaves in the air? Do you find yourself daydreaming of hot apple cider? One of my favorite times of year as a child, was when the leaves turned to brilliant shades of yellow, red and brown, until the mountainside erupted in flame. Growing up on a small, family-run, dairy farm in Idaho, afforded me ample opportunity to be outside; enjoying mother nature in all her seasons. I so enjoyed walking in the canyon with my family, collecting handfuls of these brilliant gifts of nature. We would arrive home with pink cheeks, bright smiles and cold noses. My mother taught us how to press the leaves and enjoy them throughout the autumn season, long after all the other leaves had ultimately abandoned their posts. She taught us how to use them to decorate our home and our lives. We'd press them into homemade candles or frame them or turn them into bookmarks. The possibilities are endless!

I think it's safe to say, that no soldier chooses this life for the money. It's certainly not the most high-paying gig (not even the most appreciated, but let's leave that for another day). My point, is you don't have to have 6 digits in your bank account to make your house a home. For this particular project, you don't even need double digits, all you need is time.

While the leaves are turning in all their brilliance, take your kids, dog (if applicable) and Man (if he's home) and hit the trees. Plan an afternoon to walk in and enjoy the area in which you're currently stationed. Explore, talk and be a family! Pick lots of interesting leaves* and have FUN. For parents with young kids (or mothers with a deployed or in-training husband) this little jaunt may just be a walk around the block, but if your kids are older, go ahead and make a day of it! Take pictures of your family outing and be sure to get plenty of your Soldier with the kids.  These photos can be used in photo books (which you can have made on the cheap and are great for when your Soldier is away).

Once home with nature's booty, as a family, look at and admire the leaves. Then take the ones you'd like to keep and put them in a big, heavy book. Space the leaves out so there are several pages in between each leaf. Then lie the book flat and put as much weight as you can on top (about 5 pounds should do rather nicely). This will dry out the leaves and preserve their color and shape. In a week or so, check the leaves. If they're flat and dry (and fragile!) you're ready for Operation Fall.

As mentioned, we used to press flowers and leaves into our homemade candles, but this particular year, with my boys (no husband, as he's gone) we dried our leaves and decided to frame them to fill our home with the colors of Autumn. We did 2 separate projects.
PROJECT 1:
We got some dollar frames (purchased from IKEA and painted at home) a couple pieces of white, printer paper and a few of our bigger leaves. We glued them onto the paper (cut to frame size) using "Elmer's Craft Bond Spray Adhesive" (multiple purpose, temporary or permanent) and simply put them into the frame.

PROJECT 2:
We took the smaller leaves and created our very own wreath. Which we then glued onto more white paper (cut to frame size) and put them into our newly-purchased dollar store frame (or you could put them on the refrigerator  the children's rooms, your front door, etc.).





PROJECT IDEA: Another fun idea,
would be to take pictures of the leaves and edit them as a family.  These days, Photo editing software and aps are a dime a dozen and make photography simple! You could even have a friendly photography contest to see who can get the best shots.  Creating categories for things like: "Best lighting" "Most beautiful leaves" "Best wildlife shot", etc. will help the kids look for things while outside. Once again, you could compile these shots and have them made into a memorable book to enjoy for years to come, or you could pull it out each autumn to display and reminisce.


What I love about these projects, is that these can be used in any home we'll be stationed in. Furthermore, this project can be done with a dollar-store frame or with an expensive frame purchased from a craft store** When the season is over, simply stow them away for next year's enjoyment.*** Good memories will flood your home and invigorate your family.  It may even become a new tradition.

At the end of the day, creating fond family memories will go a long way in your child's life. Some 20 years later, I recall all of the fun things we used to do as a family (both immediate and extended). Most of our fun had to be extremely cheap or free (and therefore creative). I promise you that the free/cheap projects and activities will be remembered long after the expensive ones.

Lastly, get outside! Be active! Go explore! How many seasons will you actually get to enjoy where you're currently stationed? Don't view the various Duty Stations with exasperation, but rather with an adventurous attitude. It'll help your children adjust more quickly and will create fond memories for years to come!


*SAFETY REMINDER:  Be safe while you're out playing Swiss Family Robinson.  Be sure to avoid poisonous plants "Leaves of 3, let them be".  If you're unfamiliar with dangerous plants in your area, do some research before exploring. Knowledge is key. Also, be sure and check for ticks if you're returning from a wooded area. If you're going deep in the woods, be sure to let friends know the general area of where you're going and about how long you'll be. Pack extra water and warm clothes.  If it's hunting season, wear orange and other bright colors.

**MONEY-SAVING TIP: Michaels Craft stores have 40% off coupons available on their website. These coupons are free, and are generally intended for one, regular-priced item. If you want to use a really nice frame for either of these projects, print the Coupon and save!

***SEASONAL TIP: Plastic tubs are a great way to store your holiday/seasonal decorations. For easy identification and moving, I would recommend color-coordinating your tubs to the season (i.e., orange for Fall, red for Christmas, Green for Spring, etc.) and then label/draw pictures on all 4 sides of the tub for further ease.